


Demon Bathroom Walls

by tangerine (arte)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Demonic Ship War?, Gen, M/M, Season/Series 10, What Have I Done, absolute crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 13:03:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3489254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arte/pseuds/tangerine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cain used to gather information from <em>Demon Bathroom Walls</em>, a demonic online chat room actually named as such. However, if the quality of the site degenerated any further, Cain wouldn't be able to rely on internet to get anything useful.</p><p>Or, a cracky rendition of why Cain came out of his retirement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Demon Bathroom Walls

**Author's Note:**

> I blame days4daisy for coming up with a wonderful line "Crowley and Dean are totally grab-ass-tical." on her tumblr. When I woke up again this was written. So, enjoy?

While Cain liked Dean Winchester, there were times he wished he had never come across that name. Just him and the bees, and no need to keep his ears on the demon grapevine.

 _Demon Bathroom Walls_ , a demonic online chat room actually named as such - and yes, the Father of Murder was capable of using electronics and internet, whoever could have guessed that the man who made a cutting edge Blade back in the days could turn out to be resouceful - showed a drastic decline in its quality after the demise of a demon named Cecily. Cecily, bless her damned and destroyed soul, had altered the format of the chat room so that links to verified information and important conversation threads would appear on the side bar, making the place actually useful and not just strings of gossips and trash talk. It was a pity that no one seemed to have stepped up to her place to make sure her legacy lived on. If the quality of the site degenerated any further, Cain wouldn't be able to rely on internet to get anything useful.

 

 **[Hell_is_Hell]:** I get that no one wants to stay in Hell, but does the King really need to have his office on Earth? It literally takes years to get the paper signed.  
  
**[bang69]:** The waiting is not gonna end anytime soon, dude. I hear the King's on sabbatical.  
   
**[Hell_is_Hell]:** Sabbatical? Now??

 **[koh/dw]:** More like grab-ass-tical. He's with Dean Winchester.

 

Cain lifted his brow. If that was any indication of what passed as wit among demons now, it was a wonder how Hell hadn't bankrupted on lack of souls already. Even snotty nosed kids wouldn't be impressed enough with the sales pitch.

 

 **[Hell_is_Hell]:** I thought the King wanted to kill Dean Winchester.

 **[koh/dw]:** Seriously? You do remember the hands off memo we got a while back.

 **[Hell_is_Hell]:** Yeah, but that was to kill the Leviathans.

 **[koh/dw]:** Ever noticed how it never got withdrawed? I bet 5 souls that they're fucking like rabbits now.  
 

The depression must be hitting Hell hard. They had used more souls than that to wager back in his days, and that was when the world population was no way near seven billions.

 

 **[cam]:** Holy, shit, guys, you'll never guess what I just saw.

 **[cam]:** King and Dean, together on bed, with triplets.

 **[Hell_is_Hell]:** Evidence, or it doesn't count.

 

Cain had to say this: he honestily didn't need that much male nudity in his life. He knew that keeping a tab on his great-great-how-many-greats son would come with some unpleasant consequence, but not this much.

 

 **[bang69]:** How did you get that picture??

 **[cam]:** America is quite a voyeur these days.

 **[koh/dw]:** #Drowley Lives

 **[destielfuckingrabbits]:** That ship name sounds stupid.

 **[koh/dw]:** You're just jealous cuz one part of your ship is limp.

 **[destielfuckingrabbits]:** Castiel is not limp. He got his mojo back.

 **[bang69]:** Heard that the angel was dead or dying.

 **[cam]:** Isn't he always?

**[User koh/dr changed their name to Drowleykillslimpangel]**

**[Drowleykillstheangel]:** Yup, totally limp.

 **[destielfuckingrabbits]:** Is not.

 **[Drowleykillslimpangel]:** Is too.

 **[cece]:** Can't we stop the ship war and admit that all three of them are hot and bangable?

 **[Drowleykillslimpangel]:** No.

 **[destielfuckingrabbits]:** No.

 

Cain sighed and logged out of the site. He no longer had the patience to suffer through these juvenile talks. He knew it was too good to last when he could get things without getting his hand dirty.

He only had himself to blame for giving Dean the Mark.

 


End file.
